A letter to Tiger Woods

Dear Tiger:

How's it going? Hope all is well. Oh, how am I doing, you ask? Well, not so good lately. You know, the usual college student issues -- homework, finals, cooking top ramen.

I'm writing to you because several months ago, my  friends and I bought tickets to watch you play this upcoming Saturday. We adore you. People always say that you're arguably the greatest golfer to ever play the game -- Well, we don't see any argument. Basically, you're a genius at what you do on the course week in and week out.

However, we will now be getting refunds for Saturday's Chevron World Classic because it's understood that you won't be competing due to personal family issues that have become exploited publicly in the last week.

Tiger, can you please man up? You cheated on your wife -- maybe more than once. We've heard the pathetic voicemail to your mistress, in which you pretty much beg her to keep your debacle a secret. Look, I'm not saying your life is easy. Not all of us live on the edge of an Arnold Palmer designed golf course somewhere in Florida, but we all have our personal demons and struggles. Just because you're a billionaire super athlete, doesn't mean you're exempt from making those same mistakes.

But Tiger, can you please take a look in the mirror? Look at what you've accomplished with your golf career, while also becoming the first billionaire athlete. Look at your gorgeous wife Elin. (Kind of mad that I even have to learn her name) Don't take off in the middle of the night, crash your over-priced SUV into a tree, and use a few cuts on your face to back out of a scheduled golf tourney. Especially one for charity, and one that you host! Use that anger to score a 59, 60, or 61.

Tiger, you didn't almost die. Do what every other rich celeb does after their wife catches them cheating: sleep on the couch for a week, divorce them, and buy them a large house down the street from you. I have to miss a great and rare Los Angeles Tiger Woods appearance because you couldn't cheat right?

Selfish of me? Yes. Mean of me? Probably.

Do you need to man up? Yes.

Love,

Jon.